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A few days later, 6 mice are killed in a tragic accident and they go to Heaven. God meets them at the gate with the same offer that He made the cat.The mice said, “All our lives we’ve had to run. Cats, dogs and even women with brooms have chased us. If we could only have a pair of roller skates, we wouldn’t have to run anymore.”God says, “Say no more.” And instantly, each mouse is fitted with a beautiful pair of tiny roller skates.About a week later, God decides to check and see how the cat is doing. The cat is sound asleep on his new pillow. God gently wakes him and asks, “How are you doing? Are you happy here?”The cat yawns and stretches and says, “Oh, I’ve never been happier in my life. And those Meals on Wheels you’ve been sending over are the best!”The secret to a long life... A cowboy told his grandson the secret to a long life. He said. “You gotta sprinkle a little gunpowder on your oatmeal, see. If you do, you’ll live to nice ripe old age.”So, the young cowboy did this. He looked to see a bulky, broad frame in a dark blue suit moving towards the countertop. Clarissa perked up.“Mr. Armisen,” she broke into a nervous grin. “We’ve been expecting you.”Carson’s eyes went wide as he took in this imposing figure. The suit was square and blocky, tailored to fit his frame, but Carson suspected that the expensive cut was just one flex away from tearing. The fabric was tugging at his every inch, and Carson couldn’t help but picture it ripping at the seams.Hello, Daddy.“Here’s your room key, sir,” Clarissa said. “Carson will help you with your things.”The suit turned to look at him--his eyes hidden behind Ray-bans, his thick lips unsmiling.Carson blinked. “I’m Carson.”"So... Are you taking me there?"It was an earth-rumbling voice, deep and rich and rough at the edges. Carson felt it resonate across the counter, tickling his anus. He hopped down and nodded, his mouth dry."Right this way, sir."Carson took his luggage and led the guest down the hallway towards the.
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